Gassing Up

 

The other day, while filling my car with gas and squeegee-ing the windshields, I had a flashback to a time in my life when I was doing this even more frequently. A time when there were more trips to the gas station and more dead bugs to remove from the glass. I was a commuter. And not to a high-powered, well-paying job, either. John was in grad school at the University of Kansas and the only ministry job I could find when we moved to Lawrence was as a part-time youth minister, across the state line in North Kansas City. I made about $15,000 a year and had to take a toll-road to work. Yes, I thought about all of this while putting gas in my vehicle, because it wasn’t that long ago that my Pastor designated honorariums to pay for my toll tag, my grocery lists included price estimates and I never went shopping without a calculator.

I recalled all of this at the gas station … and then I thought about the Apostle Paul.

I thought of his words to the Philippians about contentment. Here’s what Paul says: “I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need.” And then the next verse is the clencher: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:12-13)

I appreciate these words. Not as someone who has really experienced the depths of poverty, but as someone who remembers a time in our married life – and not even that long ago – when I watched our measly budget like a hawk and ramen noodles weren’t just a hipster fad, they were indeed “dinner.”

In that moment at the gas pump, I remembered something. I remembered words from the Bible and a memory from our past. And in that remembering I was grateful. Remembering is powerful! It is not only an important Biblical word, it also a deeply spiritual practice. By remembering we pay attention to our own progress, our own movement. In turn, we are self-aware, true to ourselves, and hopefully we become people of gratitude and generosity.

For me, the practice of remembering has been eye-opening as I reflect on a time that afforded a lot less luxury and excess. It means I am grateful to my former self for that temporary, albeit lengthy, season of frugality in the name of higher ed and ordination prep.

As I reflect on Paul’s words, I am thankful for this example of contentment and aware of its rootedness. Why is it possible to find joy in all sorts of circumstances? Because of Christ, who sustains us, who fulfills us; who shows us the way.

Thanks for Reading.